May 19, 2017

💔

Bayangan itu semakin nyata, senyata dengan keadaan bahwa aku belum bisa melupakan kamu. Cerita baru datang silih berganti, tapi kemudian semua hilang dan kamu hadir lagi..

Apakah karena dulu aku hanya bisa pasrah menerima untuk membuat kamu bahagia ?

Apakah karena penjelasan yang menjadi hak ku tidak pernah kamu berikan ?

I miss you; I need you; I love you.. Still ❤

June 10, 2016

On my way to 40

"Thank you GOD" .. itu kalimat pertama yang keluar dari mulut gue ..

Terima kasih untuk cinta, ujian, keluarga, hadiah, teman, peringatan, tawa, air mata ..
Terima kasih untuk semuanya ..

Gak percaya tapi ini yang terjadi, gue berjalan ke arah "life begin at 40" things 

Is it life begin at 40 ? .. Don't know what it means but it open up my eyes that I have a chance for another year...

Again, thank you GOD ..

March 31, 2016

Bukan Pembelaan.. It's Just Me ..

Dapet link dibawah ini dari temen, Gak tau maksudnya apa, tapi di akhir artikel ini agak sedikit meyakinkan gue bahwa apapun yang terjadi ama diri gue gak perlu gue khawatirkan, sedikit memberikan "dukungan" buat gue untuk keep moving on ..

http://magdalene.co/news-736-keep-calm-you%E2%80%99re-not-expiring.html

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Keep Calm, You’re Not Expiring

Tuesday, 22 March 2016 - 11:17:02 WIB
By : Abrina Nurmayanti |




Several weeks before turning 25, I was seriously anxious and a little depressed because I felt like I hadn’t done anything significant in my life.

In my early twenties, I made plans of things I must do before reaching 25. The list contained things typical of a 20-something Indonesian girl, including continuing my graduate studies abroad or getting married, or, if I am lucky, both. 

Several weeks into being a 25-year-old woman, my anxiety worsened. Apparently most of my friends had done whatever I planned earlier. Many of them received scholarships that enabled them to continue their graduate studies either back in Indonesia or overseas. Several found their significant others and got married, and a few got pregnant. One or two had become mothers.

I know these are other people’s lives, but they affected me significantly. I live and work overseas and out of nowhere, people I know including my friends, told me not to stay abroad alone too long. They told me to fly back to Indonesia and to find a partner back home. This made me feel guilty for something that didn’t even harm anyone.


Growing up in a country where marriage is a cultural default, I could not stop worrying about my failure in realizing my plans. I kept looking at the “normal” lives of Indonesian women that seemed a cut above me and I compared their lives with mine. I could not even start my Master’s program, let alone getting married. I felt like I was left behind, a total failure whose expiration date was fast approaching. And I ended up harming myself psychologically.

At some point in that emotionally unstable period, I looked back to my university years. When I was still pursuing my Bachelor’s Degree, I would kill to be financially independent. It all started when I felt like a burden to my parents and found it hard to ask them for money every month. This is my life and why do I ask others to fund it?

Some of my friends told me that it’s parents’ duty to fulfill our needs and that I didn’t need to feel bad about it. But I never thought like that. I felt like a 20 year-old brat, a pain in the ass, a parasite. I didn’t want to be a parasite whose life depends on others. In addition, I have a lovely, smart and talented little sister who deserves a much better quality of education and life than me. I couldn’t be that selfish, so I thought my parents should spare their time and money for her.

Many people think that I decided to stay abroad to work because it’s posh, fun and free here, but what do they know? Once I received my Bachelor’s degree, my dad told me to apply for graduate school. But I refused his idea since it didn’t go with my #1 plan. I decided to work abroad, far away from home. Thankfully, my parents supported my decision.

In my situation, getting married or pursuing a Master’s degree immediately after graduation wouldn’t help me become financially independent. This opened my eyes and made me realize that there is always a reason behind someone’s decisions, and that what others perceive about their decisions doesn’t even matter. Everyone has different responsibilities in life, and it’s only normal that we venture into different paths.

Today, as a 25-year-old Indonesian woman who will turn 26 in a few months, I feel blessed to be independent. Not every Indonesian woman, or even man, has the privilege to taste the freedom of life I have lived.

To those Indonesian women out there who feel left behind, please stop thinking that you’re approaching your expiration date. I am not telling you to stay chill and settle for a mediocre life, but, it is totally okay to feel not okay once in a while, as long as we are not drowned in bitterness way too long.

We are lucky enough to have this much time so that we can understand ourselves better. It is crucial to cherish whatever life throws at our face and taste it right away with our own tongue. Believe in ourselves! Not in a way of giving a fudge-you-all attitude, but in a way that enables to support ourselves, with integrity and courageously and responsibly in charge of our own lives.

What other people do isn’t always the “right” thing to do for us. If we find our other half and are psychologically, physically and financially ready to get married, then why not? If we have the money to continue our studies, or if we are awarded a scholarship, then, by all means, chase our dreams. If we have all the time and money to spend, we could travel the world or do anything we love. And if we want to stay focus on our career, that’s not a problem at all.

It is our life, our goals, our own portion and version of success.

Abrina Nurmayanti is a Tarantino enthusiast, lover of food, good music, kindness, and weird stuff. People who can't accept differences perplexes her.


December 31, 2015

End of 2015

31 Juli 2015 ...

Ini hari terakhir di tahun 2015..
Gue gak banyak nulis tahun ini, tapi banyak sekali yang terjadi
- pengalaman pekerjaan baru
- on - off ama temen deket yang sampe saat ini gue gak tau kabarnya
- diketemuin ama brondong yang bikin gue agak lupa ama kenyataan
- keributan di keluarga gue yang gak selesai-selesai
- ke-khawatiran gue ama hidup gue yang menurut gue stuck gini aja
- rencana traveling gue yang gugur satu per satu karena ... *sigh

Yang pasti rasa syukur itu masih ada, pekerjaan, rumah, makanan, teman-teman yang memilih untuk tetap ada, kesehatan, rasa percaya dari orang lain dan ketika memikirkan bahwa gue masih bisa mencukupi keluarga ini.

Terima kasih TUHAN, untuk tahun 2015 dan kesempatan untuk tahun 2016 yang Kau anugerahkan bagi kami semua ... 


November 17, 2015

Seperti Nyata

Melihat sinetron ini, mendengar kata-kata yang di ucapkan.. 
Kenapa gue ngerasa kata-kata itu ditujukan ke gue ? ...
Kenapa gue ikutan ngerasa ada suatu kehangatan di dada ini saat dia mengatakan itu semua ? ..

Iya, itu semua adalah proses untuk menuju suatu keindahan pada waktunya ...

Iya, Itu cuma sinetron, tapi kok terasa nyata ya ...

November 16, 2015

Cinta

Apakah benar, cinta itu komitmen ?
Suatu pilihan yang harus kamu pertanggung jawabkan karena kamu sudah memilih untuk menjalankan komitmen itu.

No wonder, setiap ada perpisahan pasti ada pihak yang terluka dan merasa di khianati. Karena komitmen itu sudah dilanggar dan diabaikan. True ... ini bukan hanya sekedar perasaan saja ...

November 14, 2015

Gue Yang Berlabel Manusia

It has been years since my last post in this blog ...
"Sibuk sar ? ..",   enggak juga, capek adalah kata yang lebih tepat buat apa yang terjadi ama gue beberapa bulan terakhir ini.

Capek, saat gue sadar bahwa sudah sejak lama hidup ini seperti memilih gue sebagai seseorang yang sepertinya pantas mendapatkan ujian dan sejak dia pergi ujian itu semakin besar. Gue gak sekuat itu menghadapi si "ujian" ini ..

Capek, saat gue memikirkan semua hal yang gue inginkan sepertinya tidak akan pernah terwujud. Boleh gak gue menyalahkan hidup karena menempatkan gue di posisi ini ?..

Capek, karena gue cuma bisa diem dan menjalani ini semua. Karma kah ? did I do something to deserve it ?

Capek, kenapa seakan-akan semua pergi, hanya gue dan pikiran gue sendiri yang saat ini berjuang untuk tetap mengatakan "everything will be ok" ..




July 16, 2015

Mungkin ...

Apa yang terjadi saat ini, mungkin adalah akibat salah gue juga.

Keadaan dimana gue hanya bisa terlena dengan semua kata-kata yang dia berikan..
Keadaan dimana kalian semua sudah mengingatkan bahwa lebih baik gue tinggalkan ini ..
Keadaan dimana gue udah terlanjur nyaman dengan semua perhatian dia ..
Keadaan dimana sebenarnya gue juga gak mau keadaan menjadi seperti sekarang..

Dan kemudian pertanyaan itu datang,
"apakah gue mau mempunyai hubungan spesial dengan pria yang lebih muda ?' 

Gosh !!!!! Kayak ditonjok dan kembali ke dunia nyata ...
Berharap dengan sangat bahwa semua ini hanya mimpi, dan yang memberikan kata-kata itu adalah kamu, ya kamu yang hilang tanpa ada penjelasan sampai saat ini..

Dan kemudian dia terdiam dan meninggalkan gue dengan tanda tanya yang besar seperti sekarang ini ..

Mungkin kalau gue gak terlalu perhatian ke dia, keadaan ini gak akan terjadi
Mungkin kalau gue hanya menempatkan diri gue sebagai atasan dia, keadaan ini gak akan terjadi
Mungkin kalau gue bisa tegas sejak awal, dia gak akan memberikan itu semua ke gue
Mungkin gue juga ada andil di keadaan ini
Mungkin ini juga salah gue ..

April 11, 2015

Just A Wish

There's so much I want to tell you ..
There's so much I want to hear ...
But, if after learning everything our love breaks ~ Akai ito

April 3, 2015

You and Us

I can never understand what you want from me and this kind of relationship..
I can never understand why do I have to feel this way for you ...
I know that there will be nothing left for us
And still you ask for my answer ..

If I told you what I could not say
If I showed all and let you in
If I opened up my heart and spoke my love for you
Would you walk with me till the end
When we'll end up being more than friends
We'll go hand in hand
Till you understand ..   (Gratitude to Simon Adams)